Decisionsand Insignts. From The Dyslexic Writer

I haven't written for a while on my blog. Been working on poems, stories and life. My husbnad is ill, in trying to keep up with everything I think I can't do my blog. So this blog will explain it. Plus I am going to try to blog once a week, then everyday.
Decisions and insights from The Dyslexic Writer
Today I solved a horrible problem, maybe two, I’m not sure. Don't you love it when you solve problems whether they are little or great big.? Sometimes the littlest ones are the most important because the littlest ones seem to happen over and over every day until they pile up around you like dust bunnies. Then the biggest problems loom above you like a dark cloud waiting to envelope you, descend down with all their wetness and corruption because you have fed it with weird, “I can't help this or solve that,” mind talk. Or “this is my burden to carry” self defeat talk.
There is no burden to carry, that is a mind trick invented by whatever ancient memory you’ve fed yourself. Maybe that is the devil. The mind trick that makes us think we can not solve little nagging problems or big hulky problems.
We just keep these little pieces of things twirling around in our brains like pushing a loose tooth, sticking our tongue in a dry socket or eating sugar on the cavity. We do all of those things. Why? To see if the monsters of painful nerves are still there. So we must always think we need to have the monsters of worry nerves hovering in our mind to feel alive.
My monsters of worry were so very simple. The easiest one to solve is I never had time to blog. My husband is ill, I'm behind in my writing and my housework and so on and on. No time to meditate or exercise, on and on with no time. Well worrying and getting depressed over what I can't do takes time and energy. Guess what, my NEO, Alpha Smart, small non computer, light weight thing, works just as well in every room I'm in at the house as well as road trips and meetings. Ah Ha. Now I'm sitting outside on my small deck, facing the woods, that the dogs, me and The great Spirit planted by filling all the holes with leaves and newspapers for mulch, keeping the horses out of the field, hanging up homemade bird feeders of plastic milk jugs, and just let nature, Spirit, the birds go. In a couple of years I had weeds, little scrub trees. The kids and husband laughed. "Mom's walking in her weeds again." Now I have a homemade woods. No money involved, just time and effort. It is also is a wind break for the back of the house. My husband points this out, "this woods we planted behind the house keeps the fuel cost down and the house warmer." Did you hear the “we planted?” I know. Husbands, a sometimes great problem with our small little lives. But walking out here to water plants and fill my bird feeders, I had a writing idea and thought I have no time. And then, this magnificent thought interrupted my daily mantra of: I don’t have time to write this down. This has been my lament for years unless I'm upstairs in my office formally on the computer. I thought of the NEO. What is it for? For me to write when I'm away from the computer. Duh? And I can write out here on the deck, surrounded by my birds singing, and my woods, my PBS station playing. My cell phone is in my pocket and my husband can call if he needs me. This was my big problem and my small problem. Now it's solved. So it took technical things to solve. I had them, I just wasn't creative enough to used out in a more personal setting I guess. Just for me. I had to think out of the box. Push the envelope. Use my head for something beside hanging my hat on. That was my dad’s favorite expression to me.
THINK. I’m happy. All right I have a pen and writing notebook. Stickies to write on. Etc. I'm always losing them or forgetting them. But with my NEO I can write out my stories, thoughts, blogs anywhere. Take it to the computer, plug it in and there is my work, ready to edit. My NEO also has a spell check, which bring us to the other big problem which was also little problem, maybe not a little problem.
I’m dyslectic and I can not spell nor get grammar straight. It colors my life as a writer and makes people think I am stupid. When I’m grappling for a word or spelling, they talk louder to me. I have worked on this problem for years. It was almost solved when I discovered I was a diabetic and that was discovered because no one could read my writing.
It looks as if I’m writing in ancient Sanskrit Egyptian, shorthand in code. This is when I’m typing,. I quit handwriting as soon as I learned to type. Back in the dark ages before electric typewriters even. But, dear reader, computers and spell checks have made my life easier. Grammar checks on the other hand have proved that grammar is a creative practice. Subject to intense debate and voting.
I admit that while they have made my writing life a little easier, I still have to rewrite about 50 times, edit forever, and then three editors have to check it. Why write, you ask? Because I feel I have something to say and it is worth it to me. Or I will explode.
What was my other revelation? I think faster that I write or type. So, that's OK. No one is going to come and get me and make me stop writing. I can make myself write slower. Answer the phone later and if I have to take care of my husband or do something, I won't lose the thought. I can go slow and let the words that I'm writing go where they may. They are much smarter than my 70 year old mind. They will, with the help of my mind, and Buddha conscience of store mind and body cells lead me to the right conclusion.. If I have to re-write anyway, well I will find what I'm saying when I get there..
Both of these problems go back to that old Devil we all have of fear. Fear I will forget. Fear that I will lose my train of thought. Fear that my mind will go away, I won't get done, or that I miss something going on in the outer world that I should see or do. That the world won't get along without me.
Meanwhile I will write slow. Listening to the birds, watch them eat at the feeder, while they get used to me out here, and then I can edit. Slow down is my new mantra.
I know these facts. I preach them to my Tarot clients. I meditate. I am a non-programmed Quaker, do my Yoga every day. I walk slowly and with Mindfulness. I read Buddha books, Dr. Oz, Dr. Emmet Fox, pray and meditate three times every day, read Science of Mind. Have done all this for years. Now wouldn't you think that some of that would have seeped in about my writing? One must learn something every day, even if it's the same over and over until we know it. Our mind, body and Spirit must accept it and learn it intellectually and emotionally.
I know now there are no burdens. Just letting knowledge creep in however slowly.